Who are you?

How do you feel about the phrase "don't marry someone you can live with, only someone you can't live without?"  When are things too mushy?  I believe that true love is not just holding hands in public (even though that is sweet), and it is definantly not that akward PDA couple in high school.  I think it is nice to find somone that you have passion for.  Passion will always change throughout the years, but it is important that if you look over at your husband, that you should always feel that sense of attraction.  I think the main thing that I have learned is that no one will make you perfect.  No one will complete you.  No one will fill in what you lack.  Marriage is about complementing each other.  It is about pushing each other to be the best that we can be, not totally dependant on one another.  I have two legs, two arms, a heart, and a brain.  For instance.  I watched an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress," which is always acceptable to watch.  The bride only wanted her friends and groom to approve the dress.  How is that a happy life?  I am an education major.  I play the cello.  I am a believer.  A dreamer.  Who are you?

http://pinterest.com/pin/258394097341183364/
I like this post.  Usually, pinterest has some good tips :)

Transition

Right now is such a trasitional time.  Andrew and I are about to move into a new apartment (yay), but it is even more than that.  I am excited to start a new job (with orienation for the next few days), and I am excited that within the next year, I will graduate, and we will be able to focus on an even bigger transition of hopfully moving to Nashville, TN.  Right now, I am in a reflective mood, so bare with me!  Within the last few days, a friend has gotten engaged, and two people have had babies.  One of those babies was born 10 weeks early.  Thoughout my reflections, I hope the best for all three.  One is a good friend's sister who had her third child with her husband.  The one engaged is happy and seems excited for what's to come.  And the last couple are excited about the birth of their baby girl.  I am so excited for each of these precious people in my life, and hope that each finds their happiness.  Whether it is introducing their baby to their siblings, rejoicing that she has made one of the biggest and most wonderful decisions in her life, and one can't wait to hold her baby girl for the first time.  I pray that God holds each of these women close tonight, and that they know that blessings have been poured on all three.  Now what does this have to do with marriage, you might ask?  Marriage is about reflection and loving on others as well as yourselves.  That is when you know that you have a healthy marriage; when you can reflect with one another, and pour love on others together.  Love is what marriage is about.

Things to Think About!

Wow.  It is sad how long it has been since either of us has posted!  I would like this to be a random list of insights.  It'll be worth the read, I promise.
-Figure out your sleep schedules.  As in right now, I am writing this while Andrew is asleep.  It is important to figure out who is a morning person, who is not, who hits the snooze button all the time, and who does not.  It is important to respect one another with this, so you might need to compromise (i.e. Andrew goes to the couch where he hits the snooze button 5 billion times before he gets up).
-Save money.  Open a savings account at the very least and put money aside.  For school expenses, a house in the future, and any other little thing.
-Figure out who does what around the house.  This changes all the time!  Like now I am applying for jobs and about to start summer school.  Which means I have time to clean (yay. Except not).  But someone has to do it!  Talk it over, and come up with a plan that works for both of you.
-Accept that you will not always understand each other.  Andrew might not get why I can splurge on a purse, and I will never get his need for buying Star Wars books.  Even though you don't get it, don't discourage it (unless if you buy too many purses or books).
-No matter how much you think Star Wars books will not interest you, at least set out with the idea that someday you will pick one up and read it.  I'm not sayin you need to read all of them (there are a lot more than you know), but show interest.  And not the whole "I did the minimum" thing.  He might not want to go shopping, but sometimes you want a new candle from Bath & Body Works.  It happens.  Do something for the other person!
-Discuss things.  How much to spend on gifts, how many kids, future schooling, future hobbies, future jobs, how many pets, what type of milk, what happens if we don't get the jobs we want, and on and on.  A marriage is a learning process.  So learn. 
-Are you a crier?  A shouter?  A giver of mean looks?  What do you do under stress and when you are upset?  What is acceptable in a fight?  Andrew and I do not yell. That is one main rule we have.  Figure out what your rules are.
-Plan ahead.  I know it seems too much, but think about savings accounts for your children.  For all you know, you could have twins! Plan ahead and make sure you are ready for this (or as much as you can be).
-Don't stress.  Andrew and I are most happy when we are ourselves.  Embrace yourself and each other.  It is the most important thing to remember.

The D word

You know what I think about the D word?  In a good marriage, it is a threat.  In a bad marriage, it is a way out.  Andrew and I made a lifelong committment the day we got married, and have vowed to our lives that we would never change that vow.  For sicker, poorer, old, young, happy, sad.  We made a vow to stick to one another.  I have realized that divorce is acceptable in many situations, whether abuse or a very unhealthy relationship.  But that is because the vows have already been broken!  Other than that, I don't believe growing apart.  Although I have never lost a parent or a child, or I have never got into a fight that can't be undone, I still stick to my thoughts.  Don't ever bring up that word in a good marriage.  It is a way to hurt the other, to threaten them to be better, and one thing I have learned in marriage is that you should never be a threat to the other.  You should boost them up, not tear them down.  So make sure before you get married that you are willing to keep those vows in any circumstance.  If you are married, don't stoop to that level and threaten with the word divorce.  It's dumb.

Chains

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

I love this quote.  What an inspiration.  It is important to have a marriage that is not about controlling one another, but is about the freedom of being connected through the little moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4OK9DmLpCY

Compare

Have you ever compared yourself to someone else?  Maybe from a magazine, maybe a friend?  In a relationship you can do the same thing.  You can find yourself looking to someone's relationship, hoping to have something similar.

Don't.

The key to being happy in a relationship is to know what your relationship is made of, and to be happy with what you have.  Whether you are single, married, or somewhere in between, be happy with each stage of life.

I have been blessed with multiple couples to help give me advice.  I have never felt like I needed to make my marriage like someone else's though.  I am happy with Andrew, and he is happy with me.  You need to be as happy with where you are!  Accept that no one has a relationship that is perfect, and that you should embrace the imperfections of your relationship and yourself.  That allows you to have the best relationship you can have.

-LOVE

Help Others!

Well, since the last post was looking for help, I felt like it was necessary to talk about helping others!

I think it is very important to not only look to others for advice and help with your relationship, but you should also be available for others who want advice.  I know a lot of individuals who ask for advice.  Although I am not extremely experienced or advanced in years, I do like to think that I can give advice.  Mainly because I realize the importance of.  Now believe me, I'm not perfect by any means, but I do like to show others tips that I have learned along the way, and to help others feel like they can ask me anything (which they can).

No matter where you are in a relationship, keep in mind that others are not only in the same position as you, but there are others that are also at a different stage in relationships too.  So feel free to comment on topics that you would like advice about, or comment on how you are feeling about relationships!!

-LOVE

Help?

So.  Have you ever really wondered what it is like to be married?  I will tell you.  It is wonderful.  A real challenge at times, but wonderful.  You know what one of the things that has really helped our marriage?  Besides talking to each other, we also go to others and look to others for advice.

I have a few good friends that are currently married.  It is wonderful!  We have friends who have gotten married before us, after us, around the same time as us, and those who are looking forward to it.  So what has been most helpful with my friends?  Learning that you are not alone.  You aren't alone in the indecisions of what to make for dinner, what to do tomorrow night, and even who will turn off the light at nights.  Let's just say that the "nose goes" game is pretty popular in our household.  So how do you learn from friends?

What I have learned is that my friends and I have similar bumps in the road, similar happy moments in life, and it is great to feel like you are not alone in the world as a couple.  Also, looking to other couples who are more experienced than you (meaning they are either to the next step of their relationship, a new stage of life, or have been together longer) is beneficial.  I have loved having couples that are similar to where Andrew and I are, and couples who are at a different stage of life than us.  I am so excited that God has gifted me with that.

Just remember, although you and your spouse are individual, you might have similar difficulties as other couples.  Don't talk badly about your husband, but sometimes it helps to have girl time to talk about things.  It makes you feel less weird.  Also, look to other couples for guidance as your take new steps in your relationship, but don't feel pressure to take any steps you don't want.  For instance, some couples want children right away, while others want to wait to get settled.  Each couple is different, so make sure you don't get too focused on what other couples are doing. 

-LOVE

Here are some examples of pictures from our wedding.  All taken by Lynn Ford, an amazing photographer. 

SLEEP is awesome

Hey, sorry again for being late on blogging.  I promise I'll get used to this.  Maybe this is why I could never keep a diary...

Anyways, the topic is about sleep.  But don't think it'll put you to sleep (ha.  I crack myself up.  A lot.).  Do you realize how important sleep is?  Ok, for me, it is one of the most important things.  Me without sleep is me attempting to stay alive with coffee.  Not good.

So how am I used to sleeping?  Before I was married, I slept with either my cats or by myself.  I had a queen sized bed to myself.  AND I got like 7 hours of sleep a night if I could.

Fast forward to married life.  Now I sleep with my husband, in a similar sized bed, and I don't typically get as much sleep as I want.  Between us both snooring and tosing and turning, it is still a challenge.

So what is the fix?

Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and put the other person first.  To be honest, sometimes I do tell Andrew to turn over to help with the snooring.  I tell him to do the same with me.  We both have to work together to have a successful night.  Another thing that sometimes is tough is the couch issue.  Sometimes it's just a bad night.  You just can't sleep!  So talk it over with your loved one.  It's not about you or them.  It is about sleep.

I know that was hard for me.  Married life means always sleeping in the same bed, and it being really easy!  It's not.  I have never shared a bed let alone a room.  So we both have to put the whole "you didn't sleep with me last night thing" aside.  At first it hurt my feelings, and I thought it was about me.  Sometimes it's just how it is.  It doesn't mean every night.  It doesn't mean you are giving up.  Still enjoy the time you can sleep in the same bed.  But I will admit one of us has slept on the couch every once in awhile in our 8ish months of marriage. 

Just talk about it!  I'm sure it'll happen.  Sometimes it is a hard thing to adjust to.  I'm sure that within a year or so we can say that we are even better at sleeping in the same bed.  Just remember, look out for your spouse's feelings, and make sure to address them.  Left unsaid, it can be unsettling.  Just make sure that you are happy, he is happy, and that you both work together to be happy.  No matter how weird it can be.

-LOVE

Am I Good Enough?

Now this seems like such an easy topic.  Especially since some of the previous posts are about being thebest you can be as an individual and in a couple.  But I think everyone deals with this topic at least a little bit (including me).  Am I good enough?  Is what I am bringing to the table the best?  Am I skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, loving enough?  Am I really loveable?

I think each of us struggle with different questions, but whether we like them or not, they are usually there.  True, some people are secure enough with themselves that these questions don't really get to them, but the questions still remain.  So what do we do about them?

We need to decide that we really are good enough.  No matter how much someone says you are beautiful, or how much someone likes your shoes, if you don't feel beautiful in your own skin, it will just be a minor fix to your problem.  We are told that you have to be tall, thin, and tan to be beautiful in America.  But look at some individuals who are going against that mold.  Taylor swift and Emma Stone are pale.  Adelle is not a size 2.  But they are all gorgeous!!  How might you ask?

Because they accept who they are and they treasure their individuality.  Did you know that in some Asian cultures that the more pale you are, the more beautiful?  Or that in the past, if you were a little heavier, you were considered rich and beautiful?  Even today there are different standards in beauty according to your culture.  You know what you really need to do?  Find every part of you beautiful.  Whether you have gained a little weight, you have a sunburn, and your best friend is a model, it is important to  be happy with yourself.

And here's a key point of advice.  Do you know who really finds that typical girl attractive?  Other girls!!  See, Andrew has told me plenty of times that he doesn't find the really skinny models attractive.  Although it took a long time to understand that, most guys really don't find that attractive!  It is girls telling other girls who they should be.  Why let anyone say you should be like them, when you can be you!

Ok girls, let's face it.  We all have had problems in our past that makes us question if we are good enough.  Is there someone better out there for your guy?  Are you the best for him?  Are you good enough?  It is important to address if you have those ideas, and to figure out what you should do about it.  Just remember, you really are good enough!  Andrew picked me because he was attracted to me at first sight.  He still finds me just as attractive today!  You just have to realize that you shouldn't think that the insecurities that you have are things that are not attractive to your man.  Andrew loves me for who I am, so find a guy who can do that.  It's lovely.  Don't let someone else define you.  You are beautiful!

-LOVE

Stay Happy!

Hey, sorry for being late on blogging.  I'll blog again tomorrow to get back in the "every-other-day" thing.  So back to the topic.  Have you ever thought about what you would be like in a relalationship/marriage?  Thoughtful?  Kind?  Adventurous?  How about just being yourself?  I think that is a tough one to master for a lot of couples.  You start off a strong individual, but then you lose your hobbies, interests, and dreams in hopes that you will make your spouse more happy by doing what he wants to do. 

Wrong.

You know what makes for a happy couple?  Happy individuals!  I think it is a tough thing to master, but as long as you are trying that is all that really counts.  One way to remember who you are as an individual it to pick up an old hobby.  Whether it is an instrument, knitting, or something that is unique to you.  If you can't think of a hobby, make a new one up!  It's that easy. 

Along with a new hobby, think about what makes YOU happy.  Rock climbing?  Sitting on a beach?  Nap time?  Try and do a little more of these activities (ok we can't all go to a beach, so plan a vacation, or just go to a relaxing pool day.  It can be fun too!).  If you don't do things that make you happy inside, you aren't going to be happy in a relationship.

Feel healthy!  Now that is one I am currently working on.  I just bought a new bike, in hopes that I can get back into biking when it is a little warmer.  What makes you feel healthy?  Eating right?  Exercise?  Yoga?  Get back to it!  If you don't feel healthy and free, neither will your relationship.

Pamper yourself!  Whether it is a trip to get your nails done (or a very necessary DIY nail day), or just shaving your legs once in awhile (oh I know the "well it's winter" excuse!).  It will make you feel like a woman, which is very important in a relationship.  Embrace being a woman!

Hang out with your friends.  That is another one I need to work on more.  See men are easy.  They can have a Halo playing night and be fine.  Some girls are the same way, but a majority need to talk.  I treasure my best friends, and being able to talk to them about anything.  Just talking to another girl-friend makes things so much better.  We need community, so go and talk to a friend!  What's really awesome is to be able to talk to friends who have the same relationship  status as you, because you can really see where each other is coming from.  Even talking to someone who is a level ahead of you (as in you are engaged and your friend is married).  I will talk about that in a different blog, but it really does help getting advice.

That's it for now, but remember, a healthy relationship is where both individuals are happy.  As well as making yourself happy, make sure your man is doing the same thing.  It is not one sided.  That will allow for a happy healthy relationship together!
Andrew's blog!
-LOVE

Chores...who needs them?

Well, I felt like this topic was fitting due to Andrew bringing up the topic.  I know, chores, who really cares about that topic?  But it's an important one to discuss.  In a culture and society where women have so much independence, chores is one topic every woman that I know has an opinion on.

Now take me.  I have always been the very organized type who MUST be organized.  If I'm not, my life is in ruins.  But seriously, it does make me feel not as comfortable if my apartment is not picked-up, so it is important to keep it that way.  True, I don't dust near enough, but I would say that my apartment is kept pretty nice.

Now take Andrew.  He is pretty organized, yet at times socks tend to scatter on floors and blankets are thrown in a pile versus folded.  The reasoning is because it will be used again, so there is no use in folding it.

Although Andrew and I have very different standards of "clean," one thing is very similar; we have chores that we both don't like to do.  Dishes left to soak, laundry unfolded, a cat to clean after.  Chores can be stressful.  Andrew has a very demanding job, and I am a full time student, so we each have our reasons (other than they are no fun) to skip out on chores.

Here's the real kicker.  In order to not argue about this topic (due to conflicting standards), you don't have to find the cleanest guy on the planet.  If that is something you need in a man, go for it, but it is not necessary.  What you do need to do is figure this out.

Chores are one of the hardest things to equally split up in a couple.  Maybe you have had roommates before and are used to it, or maybe you have never had a roommate.  Marriage is different though.

Your spouse is not just a roommate.  He is your companion, your lover, your partner.  What good is a partnership if you are not working together?  So here is what I recommend.  Sit down and think about how you feel about chores.  Are you messy?  Clean?  Organized like me?  What do you expect your husband to be like?  Clean?  Make sure that you don't push expectations on one another, expecting that the other one will take care of it.  Work out a plan where you either split up the chores (we each help with cooking, cleaning after the cat every other week, putting dishes away/doing the dishes, and taking out the trash).  I tend to do most of the cleaning, and I buy the groceries, but Andrew does help on occasion.  But I am happy with that.  I am a cleaner, and I like shopping.  I have also realized that we would have meat, meat, meat, chocolate, and maybe some meat if Andrew bought groceries.  We are both happy with our arrangement.  Find what fits you and your man!

True, there are times where we push expectations on one another, but the biggest thing to remember is that it might take awhile to really get used to and appreciate living together with someone, especially if you have never roomed with a man before.  Take your time, don't get mad easily, and remember to put each other first.  Yes, the tv is more appealing, but get off the couch and help each other.  And really, don't take this topic lightly.  Some of the smallest things grow to be the largest because you ignore them till they get bigger, or because you underestimated their importance.  You both need to work together to keep the relationship healthy.

Andrew's blog!
-LOVE

Preparing for the BIG Day

Well, there are a lot of ways to prepare for the big day.  The most important way to prepare for marriage is to consider pre-marital counseling. This is so important!  Just consider it.  And if you feel uncomfortable going to someone for counseling, make sure to check out different books with your man, because it is really important.  What pre-marital counseling enforces is that honesty is key in a relationship.  Most counseling books/sessions discuss different topics, such as how to handle money once you are married, how to work together, and different expectations you might have involving different topics (I will discuss some of those topics at a later date).  What you need to learn is that you need to talk over these topics with your man.  Don't feel like anything is too big or too small.  Like the different apologies.  Did you know that different people need to hear different apologies? Some need a sorry and then what they are sorry about!  Some need you to say, "I am sorry and I will try hard to not do that again."  We are all different, even you and your man (no matter how close you are/how similar you are).  I am thankful for talking through things with Andrew (and still talking through things today), because it puts us on the same page.

Ok, so now on to the big day!  Don't stress, I promise it is not that hard to plan for.  Andrew and I had a blast at our wedding, because we planned ahead and surrounded our selves with supportive people.  I have never been a person to stress, but it was a lot of different things to focus on all at one.  So here is what I did.  I bought an acordion folder.  That is my organizational tool.  Whether it is a binder, a folder, or a bulletin board, get organized!  My folder had different topics; music, venue, church, food, wedding party, and honeymoon.  These were all topics that were important for me to be organized about, so pick your topics, and get organized.  Next, go to theknot.com and sign up.  Even sign up for pinterest (I didn't have that when I was planning, but I am sure it would be helpful).  Both have great ideas!  I used the knot to find my flourist, my venue, and my dj!  I already had the church picked out (my home church), but the knot helped me find everything else!  They had contact information, website links to the different things that they recommend, a place where you can talk about what you want from your wedding, a countdown, and how much the different places/things cost using $ signs!  Pinterest can also be used to get different ideas on how to save money on different decorations by making DIY items.  Next, make sure that you call different places in advance.  I booked the venue 6 months in advance, after going to a tasting session with my mom.  Go to tasting sessions!  You want to see what you would like, versus what just sounds good.  And take either your man or someone else you trust (Andrew had a test that weekend so he left it up to me.  What a good guy).  I also had a meeting with my dj five months in advance (at Starbucks.  it can be very chill).  Some venues and djs book way in advance, and will not do weddings if you call with just two months till the big day.  Lastly.  Chill.  If you have planned like I did, you know that you left things in good hands.  Yes, you will have a few more last minute meetings, but as long as you plan in advance and are organized, you wedding will be so easy!  Also, make sure to surround yourself with people who are calm and that you enjoy.  It helped a lot to be able to talk to my friends, who helped me remain stress-free.

Just remember, there will always be things to worry about if you let them get to you, so just focus on calming youself.  Maybe pick up yoga if that helps!  Just focus on the fact that you are about to do one of the most loving actions by marrying your man, so focus on how much you love him and how excited you are to spend your life with him.  You deserve it!!

For Andrew's blog, click here!
-LOVE

Family

Family.  Nuclear, blended, etc.  There are many different types of family.  But what about the new family that you marry into?  Whether they are a family full of conflict, or the most welcoming family you have ever met, creating a new family through marriage is challenging.  The most important family up until you get married is your own immediate family (or the family that you have created), which changes when you get married/engaged.  True, your immediate family is very important still, but the most important family to you has to be between you and your spouse.  Make sure that you both recognize that.  Even when you start having children, your unit with your spouse is the most important.  Not saying that children should not be important to you, but if you and your spouse are not stable and working together, how can your children be happy? 

So how do you make you and your spouse the most important family unit?  You work together.  Always.  You are a team, so never forget that.  I know that this is not the number one source to use, but take the Kardashian marriage.  Kim and Kris refused on both ends (not always intentionally) to work together as a team.  Kim also let her immediate family influence her decisions on what to do with her rocky marriage instead of going straight to the source (her husband) to talk it over.  Yes, I did just reference pop culture, but it is a valid source of why you should work together.  If you don't and you put your immediate family first, then your marriage will be just as rocky as theirs was. 

As well as working together, you must learn how to not offend each other involving your families.  Say for example that your spouse feels like his parents said something mean, and he is complaining about it (this is just a random example as are all of the examples used).  How do you go about it? Whether your spouse complains or not, this is not an invitation for you to complain about them too.  Remember, this has been their family unit before you two got married.  Respect them, because they are a part of your family too. 

Now take for example a family who is protective of their child, and they treat you like you are not good enough for their standards.  Make sure that you privately tell your spouse.  They need to know how you feel.  Even with the previous example, you have to always tell your spouse how you feel about their family.  It just has to be done in a respectable, calm matter.  Families are protective, especially when it comes to accepting someone new into their family.  Be patient.  You have plenty of years to get to know each other, so if you and your spouse's family have some rough edges here and there, be patient yet willing to work things out.  Ask your spouse what they think you should do to help the relationship with his family.  After all, he has grown up with them, so he knows best.  Your spouse should be on your side, so as long as he does not feel like you are attacking him or his family, he will advise you in those matters.

The most important thing to remember is that you both come from different families, so you might not always see eye to eye on things.  Like Andrew and I, we have very different families.  His extended family is large and very social and they unusually work together well.  My family is much quieter, smaller, and more individual.  Both families are loving.  Both have strengths and weaknessess.  Yet both are very different.  It has been hard for Andrew and I to adjust to such different families, but we have both been accepted into each other's families, which makes things easier.  Make sure you discuss how you want your own family to look like too, because if your families are as different as ours, it is important to talk over what you want (and don't want) in your new family together.

Just remember, be patient, open, and willing to discuss how you feel about each others families.  Just make sure that you do it respectfully.  It's like a disagreement.  You get a lot more accomplished if the two of you are calm and open, versus if you both are upset, so wait for the right time to talk about family.  Be supportive, listen to your spouse if they have problems with their family (or yours), and be willing to (nicely) put your spouse in their place if they are not being supportive when they should be. 
For Andrew's post, click here!
-LOVE

Update

So, Andrew and I decided to write on our blogs every other day.  Just to let you know.  See you tomorrow!

Boundaries With the Opposite Gender

Suprisingly, this topic has been one of the easiest and hardest for Andrew and I.  Ever since freshman year of high school, I have always been the girl who plays frisbee and hangs out with the guys.  I have always had my few great girl friends throughout the years, but I would say that in high school a majority of my friends were male.  Now take Andrew.  He had a similar situation in high school where he had a close group of guys, but a majority of his friends were girls.  It's just how we are.  Now fast foward to married life.  Even during pre-marital counseling, we were faced with this topic and how to handle it.  We kind of stuck with the answer of, "I guess we will just see.  I'm sure not much will change."   See, we were a little wrong with that answer.  Throughout our marriage, we have come up with one key goal that we must stick to.  We must be 100% honest with each other.  Honesty does not mean just that you don't lie.  It also means that you are open and honest with your opinions on things.  Take boundaries for instance.  We have since set the boundary that we need to ask each other before hanging out with the opposite sex.  I know this might sound like a weird rule, getting permission and all, but it goes along with honesty and respect.  For me, there are some girls that I know 100% are in the friend zone, so I feel most comfortable with them.  There are other girls that have a flirty nature who we are a little more careful with.  And just so you know, the same goes for me too, it's not just one way.  Another point in our boundaries is that if you are alone with a member of the opposite sex (not including family members), it has to be in a public place like at a cafe.  Just because you are married, that doesn't mean you should stop being careful with guarding your heart.  That is why so many people are tempted to cheat.  They don't realize the spiral of temptation.  Even the bible refers to guarding your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life.  Guard it sister!  It is precious, yet easily influenced.  Andrew and I have realized that boundaries with the opposite gender are always changing, and will continue to change as we start thinking about children, and even just with age.  I am thankful to have a husband who I can work together with as a team, and who respects the boundaries we have set.  Just remember, honesty is key.  If you feel like a boundary needs to change, talk to your man.  Don't let it bother you without talking about it, because that will hurt your relationship.  You are in it together, so if it is the right relationship, he will respect your boundaries.  Even if you have to compromise a little!
If you want Andrew's blog post, click here!
-LOVE

Wait...compromise?

Yes.  Marriage is about compromise.  Shocker?  How about make that New Years resolution something that you will really stick to.  Learn what compromise means.  Don't just leave it as the definition of taking what you want and what he wants and melding them, but REALLY apply it to your life.  Compromise is one topic that is commonly discussed in premarital counseling, but true compromise isn't understood unless YOU make the effort to seek out what it means for your life.  Take this situation for example.  Deciding where to go for the holidays.  Easy as pie.  But deciding how to celebrate different traditions is where real compromise comes in.  Should you put up a fake tree, or chop down the nearest pine (probably not recommended since that is illegal, unless if you live on a tree farm)?  Should you decorate cookies together?  Open gifts on Christmas Eve or the actual day? Spend time with family or friends, and if so, how long?  Compromise is not always getting what you want, but it is learning to give up some, but also to get some in return.  It's like the phrase "choose your battles."  Why argue about if you should have an angel or a star ontop of the tree, when you can enjoy a nice discussion about it with your hubby while sipping some hot cocoa.  Sounds a lot nicer huh?  Well, compromise does not mean to give up everything you want either.  It should be equal (I'm not saying that since you got your way last time means that he should get his way next time).  It means that it will take work to put each other first, and to learn what equality means in your relationship.  That is one of THE toughest things to do in any relationship, let alone a marriage.  Putting each other first is not only learning what you want, but it is learning what he wants, and how to go from there.  Just remember, compromise is not always black and white, but it is your responsibility to figure out the shades of gray.
If you want my husband's corresponding blog link, click here!
-LOVE

Looking For Prince Charming

So as you might know, marriage is a pretty big committment.  Like BIG big.  So here are some simple steps to find Prince Charming.
Step 1: Stop looking so hard.  I'm not saying he's not out there.  I know the whole "patience is vurtue thing" is frustrating.  Trust me.  But the best things really do come to those who wait.  My husband and I have been together for almost three years, and have been married for half a year.  I had given up on finding a guy when I met Andrew, so remember that God has a good sense of humor.  I am not saying to shut down your online dating profile and to give up trying.  I'm just telling you to give the search a little rest.
Step 2: Figure out who YOU are first.  I cannot say this enough.  It is VERY important to understand who you are, what your views are on life (although they will change throughout your life), and appreciate yourself for who you are as an individual.  I understand how hard it is.  You find a cute guy, you fall for him, but then you lose who you are because you weren't ready.  Whether you are a camping, tree hugging woman who loves the outdoors, or a woman who loves wearing pearls and an apron, become the woman you want to be before entering a committed relationship.
Step 3: Make a list.  Ok, so we aren't in junior high any more.  But does that stop us from still having a list of what we want in a guy in our minds?  Nope.  I know it seems childish, but once you have it, you will thank me.  Alright, now start with a pen and paper, or just type it up.  Maybe tape it into your agenda book once your done.  Make sure it is in a secure place where you won't lose it!  Make three columns.  Title them What You Need, What You Want, What You DON'T Want.  This is important.  Now write things that you need, starting easy with things like, "he is intelligent," or "he is kind."  Once you have finished that, move onto the maybe column.  Maybe write something like, "he loves puppies like I do," or "he likes the same music as I do."  It will be hard to decipher the maybe from the need columns.  Once you have made that portion, go through the need column and determine if you actually need that, or if it is just a want.  I know, it's hard, but it is important to decipher the two.  In order to find the right  guy, you have to make sure he has all the needs, and a majority of the wants.  Relationships, even from the beginning, are about compromise.  Just make sure you know which things NOT to compromise (i.e. that he respects you as an individual, and that he respects himself too).  Now for the don't want column.  Don't look at the other columns just yet.  Write what you think you can't have.  Then, look at the need column and add the opposite of what you need to the don't pile.  This is also important.  You need to stick your grounds.  This is the MOST important column.  This is the no compromising column.  So often women think, "Well, they say they love me, and they have a lot of the wants and most of the needs.  They make me happy, so I am willing to overlook the don't column."  Major no-no.  NEVER compromise this one.  Remember, you are that strong, independent woman from step 2.  You deserve the best, so never settle.
Step 4: Keep on the look-out.  This does not mean spy on any man with a set of abs.  This means that love might be just around the corner, or it could take time, but that the right guy is out there if that is God's plan for your life.  Just make sure to always remember your list, even when you are out at the bar scene. 
And finally...
Step 5: Never lose who you are.  Whether you are discouraged because you aren't finding the right guy, or you are starting to lose yourself in your significant other, remember that it is most important that each person in the relationship is first happy with themselves.  Don't lose hope, you are an amazing woman who deserves to be treated as such.
If you remember all these steps, you are on your way to finding the right guy (or girl) for you.  Till next time!
(to look at my husband's corresponding blog post, click here!)
-LOVE

Blog 101

Fashion blogs, food blogs, relationship blogs.  There are so many different blogs out there just waiting to be explored.  Although each blog is unique in its own way, I have realized that marriage is one blog that is not a usual topic to blog about.  Why might you ask?  Is it because of the statistic that around 50% of marriages end in divorce?  Or is it because people have it all figured out?  Let me start by saying I have not figured out everything about marriage.  Not even close.  What I am saying is that I am a newlywed woman in America trying to make it in this seemingly doomed world of marriage.  In this blog, I intend to discuss my views on what a successful marriage looks like; whether it is how to respond to the common situation of "let's see who can pile the trash highest in the trash can so we don't have to take it out," or something as simple as how to treat your spouse with love and respect.  I will also touch on how to look for the right man, and once you have found him, how to prepare for the big day (and the rest of your lives together)!  So buckle your seatbelt, because it is going to be a bumpy (but exciting!) ride.

-LOVE