Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Chores...who needs them?

Well, I felt like this topic was fitting due to Andrew bringing up the topic.  I know, chores, who really cares about that topic?  But it's an important one to discuss.  In a culture and society where women have so much independence, chores is one topic every woman that I know has an opinion on.

Now take me.  I have always been the very organized type who MUST be organized.  If I'm not, my life is in ruins.  But seriously, it does make me feel not as comfortable if my apartment is not picked-up, so it is important to keep it that way.  True, I don't dust near enough, but I would say that my apartment is kept pretty nice.

Now take Andrew.  He is pretty organized, yet at times socks tend to scatter on floors and blankets are thrown in a pile versus folded.  The reasoning is because it will be used again, so there is no use in folding it.

Although Andrew and I have very different standards of "clean," one thing is very similar; we have chores that we both don't like to do.  Dishes left to soak, laundry unfolded, a cat to clean after.  Chores can be stressful.  Andrew has a very demanding job, and I am a full time student, so we each have our reasons (other than they are no fun) to skip out on chores.

Here's the real kicker.  In order to not argue about this topic (due to conflicting standards), you don't have to find the cleanest guy on the planet.  If that is something you need in a man, go for it, but it is not necessary.  What you do need to do is figure this out.

Chores are one of the hardest things to equally split up in a couple.  Maybe you have had roommates before and are used to it, or maybe you have never had a roommate.  Marriage is different though.

Your spouse is not just a roommate.  He is your companion, your lover, your partner.  What good is a partnership if you are not working together?  So here is what I recommend.  Sit down and think about how you feel about chores.  Are you messy?  Clean?  Organized like me?  What do you expect your husband to be like?  Clean?  Make sure that you don't push expectations on one another, expecting that the other one will take care of it.  Work out a plan where you either split up the chores (we each help with cooking, cleaning after the cat every other week, putting dishes away/doing the dishes, and taking out the trash).  I tend to do most of the cleaning, and I buy the groceries, but Andrew does help on occasion.  But I am happy with that.  I am a cleaner, and I like shopping.  I have also realized that we would have meat, meat, meat, chocolate, and maybe some meat if Andrew bought groceries.  We are both happy with our arrangement.  Find what fits you and your man!

True, there are times where we push expectations on one another, but the biggest thing to remember is that it might take awhile to really get used to and appreciate living together with someone, especially if you have never roomed with a man before.  Take your time, don't get mad easily, and remember to put each other first.  Yes, the tv is more appealing, but get off the couch and help each other.  And really, don't take this topic lightly.  Some of the smallest things grow to be the largest because you ignore them till they get bigger, or because you underestimated their importance.  You both need to work together to keep the relationship healthy.

Andrew's blog!

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