The D word

You know what I think about the D word?  In a good marriage, it is a threat.  In a bad marriage, it is a way out.  Andrew and I made a lifelong committment the day we got married, and have vowed to our lives that we would never change that vow.  For sicker, poorer, old, young, happy, sad.  We made a vow to stick to one another.  I have realized that divorce is acceptable in many situations, whether abuse or a very unhealthy relationship.  But that is because the vows have already been broken!  Other than that, I don't believe growing apart.  Although I have never lost a parent or a child, or I have never got into a fight that can't be undone, I still stick to my thoughts.  Don't ever bring up that word in a good marriage.  It is a way to hurt the other, to threaten them to be better, and one thing I have learned in marriage is that you should never be a threat to the other.  You should boost them up, not tear them down.  So make sure before you get married that you are willing to keep those vows in any circumstance.  If you are married, don't stoop to that level and threaten with the word divorce.  It's dumb.

Chains

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret

I love this quote.  What an inspiration.  It is important to have a marriage that is not about controlling one another, but is about the freedom of being connected through the little moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4OK9DmLpCY

Compare

Have you ever compared yourself to someone else?  Maybe from a magazine, maybe a friend?  In a relationship you can do the same thing.  You can find yourself looking to someone's relationship, hoping to have something similar.

Don't.

The key to being happy in a relationship is to know what your relationship is made of, and to be happy with what you have.  Whether you are single, married, or somewhere in between, be happy with each stage of life.

I have been blessed with multiple couples to help give me advice.  I have never felt like I needed to make my marriage like someone else's though.  I am happy with Andrew, and he is happy with me.  You need to be as happy with where you are!  Accept that no one has a relationship that is perfect, and that you should embrace the imperfections of your relationship and yourself.  That allows you to have the best relationship you can have.

-LOVE

Help Others!

Well, since the last post was looking for help, I felt like it was necessary to talk about helping others!

I think it is very important to not only look to others for advice and help with your relationship, but you should also be available for others who want advice.  I know a lot of individuals who ask for advice.  Although I am not extremely experienced or advanced in years, I do like to think that I can give advice.  Mainly because I realize the importance of.  Now believe me, I'm not perfect by any means, but I do like to show others tips that I have learned along the way, and to help others feel like they can ask me anything (which they can).

No matter where you are in a relationship, keep in mind that others are not only in the same position as you, but there are others that are also at a different stage in relationships too.  So feel free to comment on topics that you would like advice about, or comment on how you are feeling about relationships!!

-LOVE

Help?

So.  Have you ever really wondered what it is like to be married?  I will tell you.  It is wonderful.  A real challenge at times, but wonderful.  You know what one of the things that has really helped our marriage?  Besides talking to each other, we also go to others and look to others for advice.

I have a few good friends that are currently married.  It is wonderful!  We have friends who have gotten married before us, after us, around the same time as us, and those who are looking forward to it.  So what has been most helpful with my friends?  Learning that you are not alone.  You aren't alone in the indecisions of what to make for dinner, what to do tomorrow night, and even who will turn off the light at nights.  Let's just say that the "nose goes" game is pretty popular in our household.  So how do you learn from friends?

What I have learned is that my friends and I have similar bumps in the road, similar happy moments in life, and it is great to feel like you are not alone in the world as a couple.  Also, looking to other couples who are more experienced than you (meaning they are either to the next step of their relationship, a new stage of life, or have been together longer) is beneficial.  I have loved having couples that are similar to where Andrew and I are, and couples who are at a different stage of life than us.  I am so excited that God has gifted me with that.

Just remember, although you and your spouse are individual, you might have similar difficulties as other couples.  Don't talk badly about your husband, but sometimes it helps to have girl time to talk about things.  It makes you feel less weird.  Also, look to other couples for guidance as your take new steps in your relationship, but don't feel pressure to take any steps you don't want.  For instance, some couples want children right away, while others want to wait to get settled.  Each couple is different, so make sure you don't get too focused on what other couples are doing. 

-LOVE

Here are some examples of pictures from our wedding.  All taken by Lynn Ford, an amazing photographer.